Coffee Shop Pet Peeves

Let me just say I love, love, love my customers and my coffee shop....but

• Why do people insist on paying with a $100 bill for a $1.50 coffee??? Please people you aren't proving anything to me I'm broke I like, $5s, $10s, and quarters. Quarters are for all you people who also think that I am a change distributor for the meters!
• The guy that comes with a bit of tissue on his cut from shaving and asking me about the young girls around and if I know them and can introduce them to him! Dude do you really want to be introduced to chicks when you have a bloody tissue on your chin? Think about it.
• The guy that calls me Fifi every fucking day! Dude my name is Phoebe bitch! Doesn't he know for an entire summer at tennis camp I was called "Fifi the apeish dog woman" and was traumatized! So I do not like being called Fifi at all.
• Same guy as above who comes and wants me to spot him a coffee for 50 pennies, but he's good for it. Dude I don't want your shitty pennies and no I will not give you a coffee so he asks for a water drinks half a sip and leaves why did he even bother with the water and waste my time?
• Ughh cigarettes I get it. It's apparently the perfect pairing a hot cup of Joe with a nice drag on a cigarette, but damn I'm gonna get second hand smoke here! Then there are the few customers that want me to take their still lit cigarettes and ash it out when they are done really people that is drawing the line you smoked it you stab it out. Nasty.
• The woman who was like "ugghhh.....yeaaahhh....I don't know what I want.....umm...hmmm..lavender vanilla bean...is that gooood?" What do you think? Of course it is fucking good or I wouldn't have it on my menu if it wasn't. Idiot!
• The guy that insists my coffee lids do not fit my cups. Why the hell would I buy coffee lids that don't fit my boiling hot beverage? Of course they fit ass clown you just gotta push it down. Common sense here people.
• Bad tippers....granted we have a lot of people that do tip, but boy has my mindset changed on when and what a person should tip for. I used think ahh it's not a big deal it's just coffee. Damn I worked hard at making everything that goes into your delicious latte from the homemade chocolate sauce, to the the real vanilla bean or cinnamon and chili de arbol syrup. I tip a dollar to the bartender for opening a bottle of beer for me (which recently happens more often than not-needing a beer at the end of the day!)...so come on and give me a bone or two. You better believe when I master latte art that is totally worth an extra 50 cents in the tip jar!

I'm sure the list could go on and on, but I'll stop for now. Thanks for listening haha.

Who pees their pants?

Honestly, I know I've had a few close calls, but really today was the second time someone has come into the shop looking for a bathroom. They go. Come back. Bam pee all over their pants and nope not nonchalant about it one bit. They admit is and then proceed to stand there and talk to me with their pants covered in pee!

The first time was a few months ago a woman in all white Capri's. I felt bad for her she really needed to go and I said sure go ahead I could tell she had to go she was squirming. So I figured she was alright and she probably totally could have played it off and walked out an said thanks, but stopped and said is this too obvious that I just peed my pants and there is a wet mark the whole way down her white Capri's. What am I supposed to say? Awkward. I told her I could get my blow dryer if she wanted. She declined.

Then today a guy is asking for an OJ and if we have a bathroom he proceeds to buy the juice and then says he really has to go. What is funny is that most people come in use the bathroom and don't even offer to buy something so here the poor guy is trying to do what is right and then comes back again pee all over his pants and goes "well I guess I didn't make it" you sure didn't! This guy was definitely off he was telling me how he got out of some mental place and is on all sorts of crazy meds. Dude, you should have gone to the bathroom and then paid for your drink is all I'm saying. I wouldn't have held it against you-half my other customers do that. He stayed and talked and smoked a cigarette for the next ten minutes while I had to stare at his pee soaked pants.

I think the moral of the story is to just play it off like nothing has happened don't draw attention to yourself. It makes it awkard for both you and me!

John Diego Rodriquez

I know I poke fun at my older customers, but in all actuality I love them. One of my favorites is John Logan. He is I think 82 years old it would change every once in a while depending if their was a young lady around that he wanted to impress.

John would introduce himself as John Diego Rodriquez when a new customer came in. He would then go on his banter that I have heard probably every day since we have opened usually starting off with a Shakespeare quote or the good ole "here's looking at you sweetheart" as he drank down his coffee that he always pretended was spiked with something.

We talked about running off and closing the coffee shop he always proposed to me and then would get mad if I told him in front of another customer that we were already supposed to be getting married and that he wasn't allowed to propose to my other customers! He used the GI Bill to go to the conservatory of music in Cincinnati and every once in a while would sing to me or do a little jive.

I bring up all these fond memories because it was brought to my attention that his family has come to take him away from the studio he lived in across the street from the coffee shop. In the past six months I've also watched John slowly decline and start getting dementia so I wanted to say a few kind words about him because he really did brighten my day so..."Here's looking at you John..."

Take time to enjoy the people in your life and learn from your elders they have a lot of wisdom and good advice.

It all started with a doll!

Let's just start with by no means am I a well written or spoken human being, but I have just had too many entertaining events in the past few months of owning my coffee shop that really need to be posted even if it's just for my friends to brighten their dull office space type of days.

I could have started this when I looked out the coffee shop and saw a naked man and called the police and they just said "oh where is he now?" or the time I looked out and saw a man on the high rise across the street in his tightey-whiteys just chilling smoking a cigarette watering his plants (I video taped it-couldn't resist). Not to mention that pot dispensary that is literally half a block down from me I've had the skateboarder going by smoking a bowl or even customers tip me with a little nug wrapped inside a dollar!

But no...it all started yesterday when I had one of my regulars ask me if I would like a doll...Here I am thinking ok sure. It's a doll I have enough friends with kids that I could surely pass this off and someone would be super excited to have it. So I go off on my merry way to go run through Balboa Park and let my business partner run the shop for a bit. My customer says he'll bring it over since he lives across the street (my coffee shop is smack dab across the street from two 65 and older high rises -so most of my entertainment is based on people in their seventies). I come back from my run and Chris goes..."Um, your doll is here." I look at him, look at the box and call out to my customers and say thanks. At this point both the guy that purchased this doll (elderly gay man) and the friend (former cop-as far as I know not gay) he gave the doll to are sitting there in anticipation for me to open this box. "Dear God!" I cry out not loud enough for them to hear and I just have to shut the box. It's too disturbing here lies a mermaid doll that has the face of a chucky or ventriloquist doll. It's beyond freaky. So here comes my customer that bought this and he couldn't be happier than a peach to tell me that this doll is worth $500 and it's in mint condition and if I keep it and sit on it a while I could easily sell it for more than a thousand bucks. Shit, I couldn't even bring myself to bring the doll back to my apartment at the end of the day. I swear if I brought it home I would have woken up in the middle of the night to it in my bed staring at me. Anyway, here are some pics of the doll and hopefully you can appreciate a good laugh. Until next time.

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